Chris & Pam
Ten Years Later: A Continuous Ministry of Love
“..the Creator ‘made them male and female’…”
– Matthew 19:4:NIV
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
– Philippians 1:6:NIV
Ten years later… a whole decade of loving one another and loving others through ministry. A commitment to forever. Forever loving each other. Forever loving God and His people.
Chris & Pam selected the song, This Is For The Lover In You for their marriage song. The lyrics of this song are so fitting for this couple, not only in their marriage but with their relationships with others and in ministry. Take for instance, these lines:
Got to be real…. always be true…. start love a new…. gonna last forever… I trust you.…
When you speak of people being real, these two people are two of the realest. They share authentically with others about their lives, strengths and challenges.
They present themselves in the truest form. What you see, who you see, is who they truly are. They lack any form of pretense.
When you talk about start love a new… …their love is a testament to finding real and true love a second time around. They not only value and work towards that rare opportunity and commitment towards each other, they also continuously start love anew with God’s people. In their ability to forgive and to continuously strive with much success to love like Jesus does.
Two complete individuals who shine individually with the blessing and encouragement from each other. Chris is humorous. It is impossible to be around him and not have deep belly laughs. Pam is extremely supportive of most everyone. Together, they are spiritual force, working in ministry, showing up when needed.
I have a significant amount of admiration for Chris & Pam. Their humility is refreshing and helps to keep me humble. I can count on them to support most everything I do in one way or another. They are generally the first to RVSP for Unwavering Love events, one of the constant couples to participate in discussions. Even though they are older than Patrick and I, they show up to events open and ready to learn, participate and share. It is seldom that I turn around and they are not there and in those times, I know that they are cheering me on still.
Now, take some time to read about them, directly from them. They have joined themselves, their families and even their scriptures together. A great representation of TWO WHOLE individuals coming together to create the GLOVER ONE WHOLE.
Their 10 YEARS
- How many years have you been married?
“10 years on October 16th.” -Pam
- Number of children?
“4 (each of us have 2 sons).” -Pam
- How did you meet?
“At Church.” -Pam
- When did each of you realize you loved the other?
“I realized I loved Chris when the thought of us not being together was physically painful.”
“I realized I loved Pam when I heard wisdom flow from her lips; she builds me up with the grace of God.”
- What were you attracted to first about your spouse?
“He has such a tender heart towards everyone.”
“She is thoughtful; enthusiastically supportive of others.”
b. What are you attracted to now?
“His heart for God and the people of God.”
“I am attracted to Pam’s smile; it represents her spirit. She is the best part of me.”
- How long did you date/court before getting married?
“I agree it was two years.” -Chris
- The hardest challenge(s) you have encountered in your marriage?
“My son’s teenage pregnancy.” -Pam
“I agree, teenage pregnancy and how Pam so much wish her mother was still living to enjoy her children; children.” -Chris
- The greatest accomplishment(s) you have achieved since married?
“Tie between blending our families and being in ministry together.” -Pam
“I would also submit the greatest accomplishment is watching us become the couple that strives to have a happy home while co-laboring in ministry.” -Chris
- Advice you would give couples who are planning on getting married?
“Be honest about the way you need to be loved.” -Pam
“Keep your commitment when you say, ‘I do’.” -Chris
The scripture at the foundation of your marriage?
“We have two, one that Chris has and one that I have. The two fit together. Chris’s, Matthew 19:4: “the Creator made them male and female” in other words very different… lol and mine, Philippians 1:6, NIV: “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” -Pam
- Do you have a song that you consider to be your wedding/marriage song? If yes, why that song?
“For the Lover in You – Shalamar. Part of the lyrics are, ‘This is how we’ll start love anew. This time it’s gonna last forever.’ We are a couple who has had a second chance at love. We are intentional about making this time last forever.”
“I often find myself singing this song to Pam.”
- Being Christian Licensed ministers, what impact has it had on your marriage, positive and negative?
“Positive – We’ve had opportunities to be in ministry together; teaching together, praying together, visiting the sick together, sharing the work together. Negative – Sometimes because people forget we are not supernatural creatures. We get sad, angry and hurt like everyone else. We make errors and need to take time for us as well.” -Pam
“I agree, often times we pour into others and when we are empty it’s difficult to minister to one another when we are on empty or have no more to give.” -Chris
b. What expectation has it placed on you both individually and as a couple? Realistic and Unrealistic
“Realistic, I think us being able to assist family and friends during the hardest and happiest times in their lives, funerals, vow renewals, baby dedications. Unrealistic, that we can just leave our day jobs to come whenever someone wants us to.” -Pam
“I feel whenever we do ministry or say yes to speaking engagements or officiating in any capacities; these opportunities become realistic expectations. Having to always stop everything and balance our household and put ourselves on hold to meet the needs of others; places unrealistic expectations on ourselves, but with God all things are possible.” -Chris
- Share 10 things you have learned about marriage that you would like to share with other married couples
“Know their love language (most times it’s different from yours).” -Pam
“Her Love Language is important; also having an active everlasting Love for Her is key.” -Chris
“Must discuss how you resolve conflict. Are you one who need space first or do you want to get to the bottom of it right away.” -Pam
“Communicate, dream together, let Her know what desires you have for us.” -Chris
“Finances. (how do you feel, engage, conduct and where are you with your finances).” -Pam
“Remember the finances is not Your Account or Her Account; its Our Account.” -Chris
“Important that you discuss sexual expectations.” -Pam
“The Bed is Undefiled; make Love to your wife!” -Chris
“Church involvement (Sunday Service, Bible Study, Ministries) How many days a week works for both of us.” -Pam
“Do Church Together; never alone.” -Chris
“How do you both view friendships. Do you and he need to like each other’s friends. Are you comfortable with him going out with just the fellas or you with just the girls.” -Pam
“She introduced me to her inner circle; “The Gurls” and I think the world of them. Show all her girl friends respect. When she has a Girl Trip; send her with cash and purchase her a “First Class” airline ticket.” -Chris
“In our case we both had minor sons. Discuss discipline. The way you celebrate birthdays, holidays. We each had to be intentional about developing our own relationships with each other’s sons.” -Pam
“Loving a Blended Family is difficult; but continue to Love through it all.” -Chris
“I learned to pick my battles. No issue should ever be bigger than the relationship.” -Pam
“I’m not the one to engage in verbal altercations, arguments, and fussing with my wife; I’m observant of her body language to determine her level of frustration. If she’s quiet and moving swiftly, I’m in trouble. If she’s in slow motion, I get to see all the blessings before my very eyes .” -Chris
“Continue dating each other. He needs to continue to be my boyfriend along with being my husband.” -Pam
“Prayer makes the difference. Praying for each other and praying with each other.” -Pam
“This must be a standard practice; not just individually, but learn to pray together.” -Chris
- Anything else you would like to share about your marriage? Fun facts, accomplishments, discovery about self and/or each other?
“Chris is the most compassionate person I know…I never knew the depth of that until we were married.”
“Pam and I both lived in New York, I am her “Boogie Down Bronx” and She is my Bed-Stuy, Do-or-Die; my compassionate side comes from Southern Hospitality. Pam has some country in her too…LOL.”
Ministerial Advice on Marriage
- How would you define the word marriage to a couple planning on getting married?
“Marriage is a mutual alliance between a godly man and woman, who builds a respectable relationship, inspired and achieved by great examples. Love and Respect. The Love she most desires and the Respect he desperately needs.”
“Bringing two wholes to make one whole yet maintaining two wholes.”
- How would you define the word love?
“Love is bigger than an emotion and the only thing greater than it, is God.” -Pam
- What advice would you give a couple contemplating divorce?
“It’s the closest you will ever come to feeling like you are dying. Don’t wait until it’s so bad to try to save it. Prayer, Christian Counseling and work is what you should be running to not the courthouse. We both have been divorced we will never be the same.” -Pam
- What message would you share with individuals who have gone through a divorce?
- What message would you share to couples who have gone through a divorce and are now married to other people?
“Trust, security and faith in the institution and yourself changes. Ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself and them. Don’t run into another relationship. Discover, work through, pray about what happened that made you go from marrying the person of your dreams to now feeling you can’t do it anymore. You are not damaged goods. You have battle scars don’t allow them to define you. You are still a child of God. He died to give you a new beginning. Take the new beginning. Assess you through counseling and with those that are close to you. What did they see going on in your relationship with you individually and you collectively. Don’t make a move until you get marching directions from God.” -Pam
“He/She is not your former spouse don’t make them pay for your former spouse mistakes. Communication is key. Honesty is key about what you are feeling and when you get scared. Scared of not making it again. Trust your growth. Trust you and your spouse to be together forever no matter what comes up. DIVORCE is no longer an option.” -Pam