I wanted to share something I posted on social media on February 19, 2016. I think we all need a reminder:
When a woman knows her beauty is more than skin deep, she loves her reflection, walks with confidence, stands with authority, speaks boldly…. #womenconquer
I am happy with the outward beauty God gave me. I love taking pictures! I take pictures of myself and my family not because I am conceited or showing off. I do so because as a child I felt very un-pretty; very ugly. I thought I had a big head, disliked the bags under my eyes ( people would always tell me, “open your eyes.” They looked closed even when wide opened.) , I thought I was too short, my legs were too skinny…on and on…. My reflection told me nothing positive… It took me a while to love Cynthia (Nicky) and to feel confident in front of a camera. I hated taking pictures! Really, really hated even the thought of it. I thought it was a constant reminder of my ‘ugliness…’ At some point in my childhood, I decided, I wasn’t un-pretty, I wasn’t ugly, even if my head was big, so what! that came from my gene pool and I had no choice in that matter, but to love my big head, my baggy eyes, my very short self, with my skinny legs.
I started looking at the parts of me that I loved and realized that I was beautiful. Whenever it was time to take a picture, I would whisper to myself “YOU are beautiful!” I noticed that pictures of me began to look good to me. I began to see my true reflection in the mirror and not the lies that were planted by words that were spoken to me, or the distorted thoughts of what beauty should look like. There began to be an inward change in me that affected how I thought of my outward self. You see, once the inner man is at peace, it is hard for it not be reflected on the outer man. Selfies, can be a vain approach to life but sometimes we need a selfie, to remind us how far we have come in our thinking about ourselves both internally and externally.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten on the slip wagon, many times, at one junction, when I got older and people would tell me I was too skinny, I needed to eat more, where I forget that I’m heir to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, the I AM, but at some point I remembered that moment, when I heard God speaking to me as a broken child and He said “You are my beautiful girl and I made you, just the way you should be.” I started thinking to myself when those people came up to me, telling me I should eat more, well, maybe you should eat less! How exactly would you feel if I said that? (people don’t realize how much their words can set a person back. I was a young married woman with children and wasn’t even a 100 pounds. My struggle was the same as that of an overweight person, trying to lose, I was trying to gain) So for me, my pictures represent more than where I was, who I was with , what I was doing. They represent the little girl who realized her beauty, a young lady who lost sight and reclaimed it and the woman today, who will never let her forget! #HesaidImbeautiful!